Tommy is the man who could’ve been. Possibly the greatest player Folkestone could ever have had instead, after several years playing in the lower reaches of the National Leagues, he’s taken his oiled pecs and glistening biceps into the world of International Gay modelling, and has opted to concentrate on beefing up his formidable tackle and getting into hissy-fits if somebody pulls his flowing locks.

     

The biggest number eight in world rugby; Dave sensibly retired before he could be pushed into his natural home at tight-head, and has since taken up a key role within the Hands of drinking heavily and then causing maximum offence with his drunken activities. There’s still an outside chance we’ll see him on the pitch again, but since he disgraced himself in a penalty shootout in the Spitfire tournament, we’re all keeping our fingers crossed he’ll never play again. He is the man most likely to be drinking at the back of the coach on the way home, and the bets are on how much high quality Belgium sangria he’ll siphon down his throat this year.

Part of the heaviest back line in Barnes RFC history (including the girths of Super Ron and Russ Barnes inside him), Franco brings a guile and agility to an otherwise stodgy back line, although he does need a good four months notice to grow any sort of beard and moustache.