Stella Hands 2002 – The Road to Glory………

On the first outing in the UK , the Stella Hands squad was brimming with confidence, pride and enthusiasm on the evening prior to the tournament.  All met promptly at 4pm at the Famous Ship Inn basking in sunshine and the honour of being presented with the shirt that represented a milestone in their rugby career…….

Unfortunately many were overwhelmed by the occasion and continued to drink the lifeblood of the team in order to quell their nerves – Stuart Wiffin has never again sold so much Stella Artois in one night.  Seasoned drinkers, Mo Morris and Greg McPartlin lulled lesser known drinking members of the party into a false sense of drinking security only for them to stumble home hugging anyone on the way, confessing undying love - whatever the sex!! – (Andy you can’t snog your own brother)

Myself, Del McDonough, Sam the Blacksmith, Mo Morris and Mike Walker (soon to be re-named ‘Catflap’ due to his tackling abilities) were caught in Pipers nightclub at 2am.  Panic ensued at the thought of the forthcoming disciplinary measures until we were reminded that the co-founders and captain were all present.  Apparently Spence was in The Parisian but there was no official siting except for a set of white sparkly teeth against the dark backdrop of the snogging couches!!

Arriving 45 minutes late on match day seemed the norm – so Del and myself arriving 90 minutes late seemed acceptable.  Trying to take control I started a warm up jog – 15 strides later (and gasping for air ) I called a halt and told people to stretch their hammies.  What a mistake – on reaching down I retched violently and threw up in front of everyone.  It was at that point I realised the overall total commitment of the squad as Hollows, Danny Barnes, Wilcox and  Gordon all did a custard of their own.  Every body duly noted that this wasn’t a part of the pitch where we were going to take contact on.

Despite this ropy start we still had confidence – Golden Balls Deane, Russel Barnes, Ian Spicer and Mike Walker were feared by other teams and known to be match winners with devastating pace, courage and tenacity.  WE GOT THAT WRONG!!!

Missed tackles, missed kicks, dropped passes and knock ons were the order of the day – and we were superb at all of them.  At the half way stage we had played 2 – lost 2 but were having a great time taking the piss out of each others lack of rugby skills.

Hopes were raised when Karl Beverly arrived mid-way through the competition as he is strong in the pass and tackle.  This was shortlived as he got closer and we started to smell him – He had fallen asleep under a hedge the night before and only just woken up (At least he turned up!! – that’s the police for you)

All hands rallied together again when we were finally knocked out of the tournament and decided to reflect on the events whilst drinking more stella.  Del’s famous line of “I think we should meet a couple of hours later on the eve of the tournament next year” will go down in Stella history.
There was one winner though that day……..Catflap was seen cuddling a girl at 8pm and wasn’t seen again until 10.30 the next morning – the only person that didn’t slip through his grasp that day!!! --------- Strength and Honour

Mark Hawken (Captain)